Happiness and Regretting the Past
The power of positive thinking can be most helpful when considering our past. Most of us think about our past using only a single perspective. Often this perspective is negative. We contemplate our guilty feelings about past actions, and we are sometimes filled with regret about certain decisions we have made. We mull over our past, re-hashing events as if there was only one way to think about those events.
Is it possible to retain the objective facts of our histories, but reinterpret the meaning of those facts? For instance, in the past we might have struggled with an eating disorder. This eating disorder might have had a major impact on our lives. Perhaps we were hospitalized, we lost friendships and we developed a physical disability. Is possible to re-frame these experiences so that what was originally interpreted as a tragedy could be re-told as a triumph of the human spirit?
If we eventually recovered, we could talk about our past using terms like “steely determination,” “focused will-power,” or “an inspiring feat of re-education.” Our experience might have made us sensitive to the plight of others in similar circumstances. The experience might have inspired us to write a book, talk to high-school students about self-esteem, or author a blog about eating disorders. Surely, one positive aspect of your past is that it produced you in all of your present-moment glory. What strengths have you developed as a direct result of past foibles?
Your past might be over, but it is not written in stone. Recognize it for what it is: a story. Your story is told by you, and as such, you can re-tell your story with a point-of-view that supports your happiness. Suppose that you made a mistake in your past. Recognize that in general mistakes are fun, natural and a great way to learn. What did you learn from your mistake? Emphasize the things that you learned in your story. You have the power to re-make your history; make sure that that history is empowering.
December 31st, 2006 at 7:05 pm
Very nice thoughts and I agree. Putting the past (whatever that was) in perspective can take decades, unfortunately. But seeing it as a point on a line that directs you toward better, smarter behavior patterns marks it as not only a necessary link, but an inevitable one for you to be that unique you we’re forever talking about.
Oh, and everyone likes us vulnerable, by the way.
January 1st, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Hi Miguel,
I agree with your post. For me, spending too much time on “mulling over” the past takes away from me moving forward and being productive…it takes away from the time I want to spend creating the life I want to live.
I like the idea of looking at your past as a story because that gives me more confidence in how I want the rest of the story, and the ending, to be.
Thanks,
-RY
January 1st, 2007 at 5:20 pm
I agree Miguel, your past is nothing but your story, the only place it exists is in your head. Any one of us can drop our story and begin to create our own consciously, deliberately. We have each been offered our beliefs and attitudes as children but as adults we come to know (at least some of us do) that we can consciously change ourselves in any way we choose, drop the scripts we have been given and create our own. The first step, ofcourse is knowing that we can actually do this. Thanks
February 1st, 2007 at 6:00 am
Our lives are in the story we tell. Do we tell a happy and joyful story? I know that is what I want in life! A happy and Joyful story!