Your Beliefs are Hypotheses
Let’s further investigate the word “should”. In the previous post I discussed how every should has one of two bases. The second basis is the should based on your beliefs about reality.
For instance, you may be relaxing at home at the table drinking a cup of coffee that your husband had prepared earlier for you. You look down at the coffee and notice that it does not have cream in it. You think to yourself, “My husband should have known that I like my coffee with cream.” Then afterwards you might proceed to feel sad or angry.
In this case, you have a belief about reality, that your husband knows, or should have known, that you like coffee with cream. Your brain notices the difference between what OUGHT to happen and what IS happening, and you make yourself feel bad.
Your brain is constantly trying to figure out what is going on. Every thought you have is your brain’s attempt to understand what is going on. Every thought in your brain asks the same question, “Is this what is going on?”. Your brain is constantly asking this question. “Is this what is going on?”…”Is this what is going on?”…”Is this what is going on?”
Your brain is always brainstorming about how to explain this event or that event; putting the puzzle pieces together. Every one of your beliefs is the end result of this process. All your beliefs are hypotheses about what is going on.
Some hypotheses are better than others, that is, some beliefs correspond better with reality than others.
The beliefs that correspond exactly with reality are more true than the beliefs that do not correspond with reality.
When you say, “My husband should know I like cream with my coffee” ask yourself- is that true? The very fact that your coffee does NOT have cream in it suggests that your belief is not true. The truth is that your husband shouldn’t know that you like cream with your coffee. The revised belief is more true because it corresponds with reality.
The smart thing to do is drop the false thought that is causing you emotional pain, “my husband should have known” and adopt the true thought and live happily “my husband shouldn’t have known”.
