The "Should" of Duty
This is another post in a series about the word “should”. Previously we have discussed when we ourselves use the word should; now we will discuss what happens when others use this word.
Only you can decide what you should do and what you shouldn’t.
To the manipulators around you, the word should is particularly useful. Manipulators often use the should of duty. The should of duty is a way of using the word should that creates an obligation. For instance, take the very common statement “You should do your homework”.
Think about this statement for a moment, repeat it in your mind…”You should do your homework”. I will list some elements of the statement,
- The statement creates an obligation.
- The statement is an absolute judgment.
- The statement appears to originate from an all-knowing god or higher authority, yet it is spoken through an intermediary, your friend. It sounds like a religious proclamation.
- The statement has no context. Why should I do my homework? Who says I should do my homework?
- I assume that if I refuse to accept this duty, I might be subject to some form of punishment. The specific punishment is not stated. It is a mystery.
- The statement is a little insulting. The statement implies that I am not going to do my homework, or that I do not want to do my homework.
When you use the should of duty it is wise to preface it with the following statements,
- “I think…you should do your homework”
- “If you want to pass this class…then you should do your homework”
The should of duty is defused when you use the above prefaces. When you say “I think” it is clear that the obligation comes from you and not some higher authority. When you say “If you want to pass this class” you add context and identify what drives the obligation. In both cases, the preface allows a person to decide for himself without manipulation what he should do.
