"Should" As An Opinion
This post is another in a series about the word “should”.
People use the word should as a way of expressing their opinion. Often, the word should lends a heavier weight to a person’s opinion. Manipulators count on that extra weight as a way to control your actions.
It is important to accept that other people believe that their needs are more important than yours. This is just a fact. Moreover, because other people sometimes feel powerless to change your behavior, they will rely on manipulative tactics; rather then simply ask directly for what they want.
When you yourself, or someone else, uses a “should” recognize that it can be a manipulative act unless you state clearly 1) that the should is an opinion and 2) that their exists good reasons, ones that appeal to the self-interest of the subject, for that subject to act as described.
Why do we fall victim to should statements, and ultimately do what we don’t want to do?
- We mistakenly believe that our actions have the power to affect other’s feelings
- We mistakenly believe that other people’s needs and wants are more important than ours
- We are afraid of the consequences of others disapproval
- We often do not have enough information. Why is the should important to me? By whose authority?
Recognize that shoulds are simply another person’s opinion. We have no obligation to follow through on another person’s “should”. We are the best judge of what we should do and what we shouldn’t do. We are not responsible for other people’s emotions. Our wants and needs are just as important as others wants and needs.
