Our conversational style plays a big roll in how we see ourselves and the world. We create meaning in our world by telling the story of what happened, or what might happen.

When we talk to another person in conversation, it is critical that we examine the stories that we tell other people. These stories are our stories, and the stories are powerful because they define our experience and therefore they define ourselves.  

One basic conversational style looks like this:

Andy: How was your weekend…?
Tom: Great!! We went camping in the mountains. 
Andy: Did you have a good time?
Tony: Yes, we sure did. The weather was wonderful, but the bad thing was we forgot to bring sunscreen and we got sunburned.
Andy: Oh yeah? Man o’ man.
Tony: Yeah, we could not fall asleep in the tent because our skin was too red and painful.

What just happened here? A neutral question “How was your weekend” was followed up with the positive news about going camping, and then that was followed up with the worst thing that happened on the trip,  ”the bad thing”.

Why talk about the worst thing that happened on the camping trip? Why even mention it? Is talking about “the bad thing” mandatory? Was “the bad thing” the defining moment of the camping trip?

Camping trips are filled with many experiences, and granted, you will not view every experience as positive. The fact is that every camping trip is filled with a vast number of positive experiences, and a vast number of negative experiences. 

You select a few these experiences when you tell your story to your friends. What would happen if you simply decided to choose only the positive experiences that occurred on the camping trip?

What is the worst that could happen?

There is no requirement to be “fair and balanced” when you tell stories about your own experiences. You do not have to balance a positive story with a negative story.

If you simply have to mention a negative experience try this phraseology:

• Even though…(the bad thing) happened, we were still able to have a good time.
• Despite the fact…(the bad thing) happened, we were still able to have a good time.
• Regardless of…(that bad thing), we were still able to have a good time.
• In spite of…(the bad thing), we were still able to have a good time.

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 17th, 2007 at 2:55 pm and is filed under Happiness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.