This article is the seventh in a series that discusses the essential elements of happiness.

Who are you? What is your identity? What are your beliefs about you? Who you think you are is critical to your happiness. Are you a singer? Are you a dancer? Are you a man? In your opinion how does “a real man” behave?

The beliefs that you have about what behavior is appropriate to yourself largely determines what is possible for you. How smart are you? Do you think that you can figure out how to be happy no matter what? Beliefs about your identity must be addressed before you can fully manage your negative and positive beliefs about the external world.

To achieve your fullest potential in the achievement of happiness you will have to create and demonstrate a personal identity that is creative, determined, courageous and positive. If you have the belief that a real man does not smile, or that a real man does not dance, then you are at a serious disadvantage in your attempt to be completely happy. Smiling and dancing are two very effective ways of using your physiology to create happiness in your life. If your identity does not allow smiling and dancing then two main routes to happiness are immediately cut-off to you.

Are you lucky? Do things always work out for you? Are you willing to experiment? Having positive beliefs like these about yourself helps to ensure that your efforts to be happy will be successful. As an exercise, create a list of beliefs about yourself. Then identity which of your beliefs may be negatively affecting your pursuit of happiness; challenge those troublesome beliefs.

This article is the sixth in a series that discusses the essential elements of happiness.

The most crucial fact that determines whether you will ever experience complete happiness is the degree to which you value happiness. A person who is focused and determined can achieve any goal no matter how challenging that goal might at first appear. Mankind has walked on the moon, and conquering happiness is a greater goal. A precondition to achieving any goal is first to value that goal. Valuing happiness puts into motion the thoughts and actions necessary to secure happy feelings. At times happiness can be illusive. The pursuit of happiness is a mind game, but it is a game that can be won.

On a scale of 1 to 5 what is your level of commitment to happiness? What actions have you recently taken that demonstrate your commitment to happiness? What would happen if you gave 5% more attention to your goal of achieving happiness? What roadblocks in your life inhibit you from a full-on pursuit of happiness? What choices can you make right now to affirm your commitment to happiness? Can you name ten reasons that justify your commitment to happiness? Can you name ten more reasons?

No goal can be achieved without effort. Some argue that striving for happiness is the surest way to loose it. While I see some merit in their arguments, I believe that supporters of this line of reasoning are a little confused. Refusing to pursue happiness as a means to pursue happiness is really just pursuing happiness but by other means. It is true that the earth is being destroyed by those pursuing happiness. However, those who pursue happiness by acquiring material goods are suffering from a tragic misunderstanding (see my article “More is Better” is False). The devastation of the earth’s natural resources can ultimately be blamed not on the pursuit of happiness itself, but on a misguided philosophy that equates material goods with happiness.

The beliefs that you hold about yourself and the world are key to achieving happiness. Your beliefs are powerful. Your brain is like an old-fashioned record player, and your beliefs are like records that can be played on the record player. What records are in your inventory? What beliefs do you hold to be true? It is important to choose your beliefs carefully because your brain will play-out any belief that you choose. The consequence of a poor choice is emotional pain.

Your mind is constantly scanning the external world and comparing what it sees to your beliefs about what should be true. If you have a thousand beliefs about how exactly reality ought to behave, then you will likely be flooded with negative emotions. If, on the other hand, you have beliefs like “everything happens for the best,” “I accept reality no matter what,” and “reality is continually shaping me for my long term benefit” then you will find it easier to maintain a positive frame of mind.

Do you believe that math is hard? Some people make the decision that math is hard as early as 4th grade, then for the rest of their lives they consciously avoid math. Throughout their adulthood these people choose career paths that avoid math. This belief was formulated by a nine-year-old child and yet it had life-altering consequences. This is the power of an unquestioned belief.

What are your beliefs about happiness? Is happiness for you achievable? Do you have a large number of beliefs that trigger negative emotions in you? Any belief that you hold which triggers negative emotions must be challenged. Is this belief true? Unchallenged beliefs will not go away by themselves; they will fester and continue to produce negative feelings indefinitely.

This article is the fourth in a series that discusses the essential elements of happiness.

Having a robust happiness-related vocabulary is key to maintaining a positive outlook. Our lives are spent creating meaning in the world around us. We constantly use our inner dialogue to tell stories about the facts around us. We express ourselves verbally and tell others what we think. The words that we use powerfully structure our attitudes and desires. It is critical that we use words that support our desire to be happy.

What is your typical reply to the question “how are you doing?” Do you say “fine,” or “OK.” If you were to reply with the words “terrific” or “fantastic” you may experience a subtle improvement your emotional state. Your mind obediently believes what it is told, especially if the mind is told again and again. This is basis for commercial advertising on television and radio.

There are many happiness-related words, consider creating a list of positive words you enjoy using. Remind yourself to use these words regularly. Use words such as terrific, marvelous, fantastic, lovely, beautiful, admirable, considerate, lively, agreeable, encouraging, sublime, earnest, bright, playful, genuine, blissful, easy-going, grand, radiant, balanced, strong and special.

Ensure that that you refrain from using negative words. Never speak words like evil, horrid, terrible, horrible, disgusting and wicked. When people around you use these words, challenge their use of that word. Truthfully, in your experience have you ever confronted someone or something that was truly wicked? I have seen confused people. I have seen hurting and desperate people. I have seen situations that were mixed-up or complicated, but I have never seen with my own eyes a person or situation that could accurately be described as wicked.

This article is the third in a series that discusses the essential elements of happiness.

Focus is the ability to direct your attention. Is the glass half empty or half full? You answer will depend on your focus. Anthony Robbins talks about how questions are an effective way to change your focus. Any time you are asking a question you are directing your focus. Do you ask empowering questions or disempowering questions? A common question is “What is wrong with me?” You might be constantly asking this question in your mind. Is this an empowering question? Contrast this question with “What is great about me” or “What opportunities are possible in this situation?” Notice how the latter questions are more empowering. The facts that make-up the situation are value-neutral, what is important is the question. The question sets the stage for the story that you will eventually tell yourself about the situation, the question determines whether you interpret the facts negatively or positively.

Being positive and exuding happiness is largely a function of what questions you are asking in your mind moment to moment. What am I grateful for? Who loves me? What is great about this situation? The answers to these questions are answers that will brighten your day and your mood. If you want to be anxious your can ask questions like “what is scary about this?” What is terrible about this event? If you want to feel angry you can ask, “How could he do that?” What is wrong with him? Who does he think he is?

This article is the second in a series that discusses the essential elements of happiness.

Physiology is the second essential element of happiness. Physiology includes smiling, laughter and relaxed body movement. Smiling is a very powerful way to move you into a happy state. Smiling is strongly linked to positive feelings in nearly everyone. A persistent and gentle smile is the key to making yourself happy and sustaining your happiness.

The utility of smiling, or any other physiology technique, is that it can be used as lever to pry you away from thinking about negative thoughts. When you smile at the same time you are thinking negative thoughts you create tension between your negative thinking and your physiology. This is why it seems uncomfortable. If you are persistent in smiling the resulting internal tug-of-war might push you to think more positively.
One often-overlooked benefit of smiling is that when other people see you smile they are more inclined to respond to you positively. A friend’s positive response to your smile will trigger a chain reaction that will get you to smile stronger, and other people who walk by are similarly affected which magnifies the positivity of the whole group.

Laughter is also very effective. A simple vocal expression of ho-ho-ho or even ha-ha-ha is usually enough to get most people to brighten up. Do you need a reason to laugh and smile? Truthfully you do not need a reason. However, if you believe a reason is important then imagine a funny situation in your mind, it is easy.

This article is the first in a series that discusses the essential elements of happiness.

Thought control and thought awareness are the first key elements essential to happiness. Human beings possess the ability to exercise executive control over their own thoughts. Happiness begins with one’s ability to choose to think or not to think. At times you may be vaguely aware of some negative situation that occurred in your past. Do you bring those negative thoughts into focus or do you think different thoughts? You make decisions about what thoughts you entertain moment by moment. The decision making process is automatic in most people. Years of habitual thinking and indecisiveness regarding the quality of ideas one entertains increases the risk of succumbing to negative thinking. You do have the power to break these habits in the moment. The more often you exercise your ability to change your focus, the stronger your powers of thought control will become.

Thought awareness pertains to becoming sensitive to the kinds of thoughts that you entertain. What type of thoughts do you regularly entertain? Do you predominately focus on happy, fearful, sad or angry thoughts? With what frequency do you focus on these thoughts? How long do you focus on each one? Are you aware of what situations provoke what thoughts? Do you write down your most painful thoughts? How do you feel when you think these thoughts? What triggers you to stop and start thinking these thoughts?

The goal of thought awareness as it pertains to increasing happiness is to increase your sensitivity to negative thoughts. Many people believe the opposite, that the chances for happiness are increased if you can learn to endure the most painful of thoughts. The reality is that the more sensitive you are to painful thoughts, the sooner you will act on them and alleviate the pain. A person who is very sensitive to painful thoughts will take quick action and modify the beliefs that contribute to emotional pain.